How do we survive the loss of a loved one? of a child? of a partner? “Time heals” – and that’s true, to a certain extent. But the passage of time alone cannot mend a shattered soul. It takes a collaborative effort of the head and the heart to escape the crushing gravity of deep grief.
Last year, my friend Lisë endured unbearable loss. The sudden death of her 18-year-old son Eitan… and three months later, the sudden death of her partner Larry. No warning. No mercy. But over these past 18 months, I have witnessed the extraordinary journey my friend has undertaken… to somehow rescue herself from her darkest days. I share this blog entry from Lisë marking 79 weeks since the death of her son. It is such a poignant and uplifting moment that she shares. If you have suffered such an unthinkable loss, or if you know someone who has, I hope this post will offer some hope for the future.
Seventy-nine weeks.
So this happened.
Connoisseurs Marketplace, Menlo Park, California, 7.20.14
He is grown but young.
The attack from within knocked him flat backward,
tight curls torn open staining black asphalt crimson,
in front of a statue of jeans with a pig snout jutting from the fly,
and a coffee shop.
Aunt’s hands, grandmother’s, cousins, holding, supporting, cradling that head,
eyes rolled back white frozen
cold unseeing but alive, the barest hint of terror.
I recognize this stare,
suspended immobility after the shakes,
gaze blank.
And I stop, and freeze, and stare, seeing, and wring my hands,
an action I thought only appeared in writing, but there they are, the left, the right, holding each other, washing with fingers and skin, pressing against my heart.
A crumpled cream colored towel appears in the relatives’ hands,
supplied by someone,
to prop, protect, that head so it will rest on softness instead…
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The End 
Steve – thank you for sharing this. Her story has touched me deeply, but as I sit here crying I cannot bear to go back and read earlier posts of her story. In truth she has lived every parent’s worst nightmare and she has done so with more grace and courage of spirit than I fear I would ever be able to summon. ❤
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Joanne, I am so proud of my friend, and grateful that she has been able to survive, and find joy again. I know she would be the first person to say the journey continues, forever… but we sometimes we don’t know if we can swim until our ship sinks.
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I hope we are never tested to find out how tough and resilient we really are.
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